October 13, 2004

Controversy Week: Sex

Hmm.

When I started Controversy Week (it seems like just two days ago, doesn't it?) I figured I could take the opportunity to write about topics, like religion and politics, that I don't ordinarily address because they usually start arguments. When I first planned this out (if "planned" is the right word, which it almost certainly isn't) I figured that I almost never write about sex, sex is a generally controversial topic, and that would mean that it would be a natural for the theme.

However, it turns out I don't talk about sex that much because, well, I ain't gettin' any. And I haven't for a surprisingly long time. How long? Well, let's put it like this.

Have you seen Jersey Girl? (The correct answer, of course, is "no" -- luckily for you, I have taken the bullet for all of us. Let's just say it is not a surprise that Kevin Smith will be retreating to the safety of Clerks 2) There's a scene where Ben Affleck confesses that he hasn't had sex in seven years, since his last wife, Jennifer Lopez, died in childbirth. Not her own birth; the birth of the obnoxiously precocious little girl that's all over the movie. You know, the stand-in for Smith's new baby, who I'm sure is very nice and shouldn't really be blamed because her father felt the need to make a terrible movie about the wackiness of raising a child. Anyway, Liv Tyler hears this news and immediately says, "What? Let's go to your place right now and have sex!" And then she won't take "no" for an answer and the plot lurches forward.

Now, I've had dialogue much like that, except that my number was larger than "seven," and I can tell you that that reaction is fairly atypical. What you mostly get is people staring at you open-mouthed while they try to figure out what's wrong with you. Not that I fault them for that, you understand. My point is that it's a little depressing when the outrageous dry spell that provides a plot hook for a movie is actually a couple years less outrageous than the actual dry spell I'm in.

Now, I'm sure some of you are saying that it's my own fault somehow. Well, aren't you supportive! But I have to admit that I'm not out there romancing the ladies. Sometimes, what I'm actually doing is alienating them, which probably isn't the correct plan. But the thing is, I'm not really comfortable with people until I know them pretty well. I've been in relationships before (a million years ago) and they were with women I knew for a few years first. Meeting someone and then immediately following that up with attempts to get it on feels -- well, it feels weird.

So there's that. I guess I could talk about porn or something, but there are better places on the Internet to hear about porn. Check your email. I can't really work up much controversy here because I'm living a life of monastic freakin' purity. Seriously, between the celibacy and the way I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I'm one solid-gold Rolls Royce away from starting my own cult.

Ethical, health or other issues with prostitution?

I mean, if you just want to cut the dry spell ... several legal, well-regulated, relatively-safer sex venues.

I'm not suggesting you couldn't romance, seduce or choose to end your celibacy in other manners -- I'm just suggesting one that requires relatively low time and modest monetary investment. Good bang for the buck, pun intended.

I'm actually a romantic -- rather why I dated my now-wife. But I'm not on a moral high-horse. I mean, if you invest all the time, emotion and money to date someone, and it doesn't "payoff" with a long-term relationship ... man, it feels like a serious loss. I s'ppose a lot of break-ups feel like a loss, but if you woo someone for months, then they finally arrive at a point where they decide (or decide to tell you) it's "not going to work" ...

Really, you'd make a keen cult leader -- I just can't front you the Rolls. ^__^

Posted by: FUND-R-NIS at October 13, 2004 01:05 AM

Three things:

1- Have you considered becoming an honorary Christian? I think your application would go through with ease.

2- I think it feels weird to be completely driven by sex when you are meeting someone new because, well, it is. Sex is great, but cheap sex doesnt leave the average person feeling too super. Especially when you like to know people well first, you probably wont find much satisfaction if you all of a sudden became a Playa'.

3- "What? Let's go to your place right now and have sex!"

-jake.
www.livejournal.com/users/jaykester

Posted by: jaykester at October 13, 2004 08:52 AM

No, I haven't considered becoming an honorary Christian, mostly because (as established on Monday) I don't belive in the Bible or Jesus Christ's divinity. Those seem like important elements to Christianity, so I don't think I'd fit in well.

Posted by: Monty at October 13, 2004 09:08 AM

Oh, Monty. I've been happily married for almost 10 years, but I think you are extremely cute (from the pics you've posted), funny, intelligent, and kind. No platitudes for you such as, "she's out there," or "love comes when you aren't looking for it," are forthcoming -- I suppose I just wanted to let you know that you (or at least the persona you present on Montykins) doesn't alienate ALL women by any means.

Posted by: Jenny at October 13, 2004 09:21 AM

I don't mean to pick at nits here, but your controversial topics don't seem, well, all that controversial. Really, everyone who reads your page already agrees with you politically (and if they don't, they just misread your statements about the comfort of the opposing Legislative/Executive branch so that they do) and you had absolutely nothing off-the-wall to say about sex at all. At least according to the comments and your own admission about the people you work with. And frankly, religious ambivalence seems the steady state of the population rather than some radical contrarian position. What I'm saying is, you don't know from controversial.

Sorry. I do love your commentary -- and I think I know the PERFECT girl for you (except that for reasons you've detailed here you are very unlikely to ever meet her and my matchmaking efforts are doomed to failure).

Regards,

Robin

Posted by: Robin at October 13, 2004 09:54 AM

Damn, I KNEW I should have made more of an effort to make out with you at JournalCon. ;-) If it helps, I once had a much, MUCH longer dry spell than you.

Posted by: sockgirlie at October 13, 2004 10:42 AM

I don't think you necessarily alienate the girls. After reading several JCon accounts by various and sundry (to be clear, that's sundry, not Sundry) it's safe to say that if you really wanted to break the spell, you would have quite a collection of journalers from which to choose. Are you unaware of the opportunitites or are you genuinely not interested? For example, multiple girls wanted to see your pimp bed, and you DREW them a PICTURE of it. I understand about the wanting to know someone well aspect and more power to you for that. But the getting to know is a process that you don't appear willing to start with anyone, for whatever reason.

Posted by: serif6 at October 15, 2004 10:00 AM

See, that's part of the problem. Things happen and I act in a way that makes sense to me at the time. And then thirty minutes later I say, "Oh! Do you think that when they said that, they meant . . . D'oh!" I've been out of the game so long, I don't even notice when I'm being called in from the sidelines.

Posted by: Monty at October 15, 2004 11:17 AM

Oh, well, that makes sense. But it seems to me that cluelessness, while frustrating both to you and to women who would like to know you better, is also part of your charm, contributing to your enigmatic reputation. A curse and a blessing. Maybe your flirt skills are like my directional sense. My brain telling me "left at the light" is a sure sign that my destination lies to the right. I only get where I'm going on the first try if I go opposite my instincts. So if anyone expresses interest in your pimptastic bed, or anything else about you, don't deflect via a diagram but show them the bed already. Capitalize on their area of interest.

Then again, perhaps I am the last person to give advice about this as my dry spell is infinitely longer than yours!

Posted by: serif6 at October 15, 2004 12:31 PM



	« Controversy Week: Politics \| Main \| DVD & Heinlein Weekend » October 13, 2004 Controversy Week: Sex Hmm. When I started Controversy Week (it seems like just two days ago, doesn't it?) I figured I could take the opportunity to write about topics, like religion and politics, that I don't ordinarily address because they usually start arguments. When I first planned this out (if "planned" is the right word, which it almost certainly isn't) I figured that I almost never write about sex, sex is a generally controversial topic, and that would mean that it would be a natural for the theme. However, it turns out I don't talk about sex that much because, well, I ain't gettin' any. And I haven't for a surprisingly long time. How long? Well, let's put it like this. Have you seen Jersey Girl? (The correct answer, of course, is "no" -- luckily for you, I have taken the bullet for all of us. Let's just say it is not a surprise that Kevin Smith will be retreating to the safety of Clerks 2) There's a scene where Ben Affleck confesses that he hasn't had sex in seven years, since his last wife, Jennifer Lopez, died in childbirth. Not her own birth; the birth of the obnoxiously precocious little girl that's all over the movie. You know, the stand-in for Smith's new baby, who I'm sure is very nice and shouldn't really be blamed because her father felt the need to make a terrible movie about the wackiness of raising a child. Anyway, Liv Tyler hears this news and immediately says, "What? Let's go to your place right now and have sex!" And then she won't take "no" for an answer and the plot lurches forward. Now, I've had dialogue much like that, except that my number was larger than "seven," and I can tell you that that reaction is fairly atypical. What you mostly get is people staring at you open-mouthed while they try to figure out what's wrong with you. Not that I fault them for that, you understand. My point is that it's a little depressing when the outrageous dry spell that provides a plot hook for a movie is actually a couple years less outrageous than the actual dry spell I'm in. Now, I'm sure some of you are saying that it's my own fault somehow. Well, aren't you supportive! But I have to admit that I'm not out there romancing the ladies. Sometimes, what I'm actually doing is alienating them, which probably isn't the correct plan. But the thing is, I'm not really comfortable with people until I know them pretty well. I've been in relationships before (a million years ago) and they were with women I knew for a few years first. Meeting someone and then immediately following that up with attempts to get it on feels -- well, it feels weird. So there's that. I guess I could talk about porn or something, but there are better places on the Internet to hear about porn. Check your email. I can't really work up much controversy here because I'm living a life of monastic freakin' purity. Seriously, between the celibacy and the way I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I'm one solid-gold Rolls Royce away from starting my own cult.
	« Controversy Week: Politics \| Main \| DVD & Heinlein Weekend »
	Comments Ethical, health or other issues with prostitution? I mean, if you just want to cut the dry spell ... several legal, well-regulated, relatively-safer sex venues. I'm not suggesting you couldn't romance, seduce or choose to end your celibacy in other manners -- I'm just suggesting one that requires relatively low time and modest monetary investment. Good bang for the buck, pun intended. I'm actually a romantic -- rather why I dated my now-wife. But I'm not on a moral high-horse. I mean, if you invest all the time, emotion and money to date someone, and it doesn't "payoff" with a long-term relationship ... man, it feels like a serious loss. I s'ppose a lot of break-ups feel like a loss, but if you woo someone for months, then they finally arrive at a point where they decide (or decide to tell you) it's "not going to work" ... Really, you'd make a keen cult leader -- I just can't front you the Rolls. ^__^ Posted by: FUND-R-NIS at October 13, 2004 01:05 AM I'd be gearing up to join your cult if I weren't already a Kibologist. Maybe you and Kibo need to have a fight to the death, Monty. Posted by: JM at October 13, 2004 04:36 AM Three things: 1- Have you considered becoming an honorary Christian? I think your application would go through with ease. 2- I think it feels weird to be completely driven by sex when you are meeting someone new because, well, it is. Sex is great, but cheap sex doesnt leave the average person feeling too super. Especially when you like to know people well first, you probably wont find much satisfaction if you all of a sudden became a Playa'. 3- "What? Let's go to your place right now and have sex!" -jake. www.livejournal.com/users/jaykester Posted by: jaykester at October 13, 2004 08:52 AM No, I haven't considered becoming an honorary Christian, mostly because (as established on Monday) I don't belive in the Bible or Jesus Christ's divinity. Those seem like important elements to Christianity, so I don't think I'd fit in well. Posted by: Monty at October 13, 2004 09:08 AM Oh, Monty. I've been happily married for almost 10 years, but I think you are extremely cute (from the pics you've posted), funny, intelligent, and kind. No platitudes for you such as, "she's out there," or "love comes when you aren't looking for it," are forthcoming -- I suppose I just wanted to let you know that you (or at least the persona you present on Montykins) doesn't alienate ALL women by any means. Posted by: Jenny at October 13, 2004 09:21 AM I don't mean to pick at nits here, but your controversial topics don't seem, well, all that controversial. Really, everyone who reads your page already agrees with you politically (and if they don't, they just misread your statements about the comfort of the opposing Legislative/Executive branch so that they do) and you had absolutely nothing off-the-wall to say about sex at all. At least according to the comments and your own admission about the people you work with. And frankly, religious ambivalence seems the steady state of the population rather than some radical contrarian position. What I'm saying is, you don't know from controversial. Sorry. I do love your commentary -- and I think I know the PERFECT girl for you (except that for reasons you've detailed here you are very unlikely to ever meet her and my matchmaking efforts are doomed to failure). Regards, Robin Posted by: Robin at October 13, 2004 09:54 AM Damn, I KNEW I should have made more of an effort to make out with you at JournalCon. ;-) If it helps, I once had a much, MUCH longer dry spell than you. Posted by: sockgirlie at October 13, 2004 10:42 AM Heh. I've had a secret internet crush on you for years! :-) Posted by: anonymous at October 13, 2004 09:13 PM I don't think you necessarily alienate the girls. After reading several JCon accounts by various and sundry (to be clear, that's sundry, not Sundry) it's safe to say that if you really wanted to break the spell, you would have quite a collection of journalers from which to choose. Are you unaware of the opportunitites or are you genuinely not interested? For example, multiple girls wanted to see your pimp bed, and you DREW them a PICTURE of it. I understand about the wanting to know someone well aspect and more power to you for that. But the getting to know is a process that you don't appear willing to start with anyone, for whatever reason. Posted by: serif6 at October 15, 2004 10:00 AM See, that's part of the problem. Things happen and I act in a way that makes sense to me at the time. And then thirty minutes later I say, "Oh! Do you think that when they said that, they meant . . . D'oh!" I've been out of the game so long, I don't even notice when I'm being called in from the sidelines. Posted by: Monty at October 15, 2004 11:17 AM Oh, well, that makes sense. But it seems to me that cluelessness, while frustrating both to you and to women who would like to know you better, is also part of your charm, contributing to your enigmatic reputation. A curse and a blessing. Maybe your flirt skills are like my directional sense. My brain telling me "left at the light" is a sure sign that my destination lies to the right. I only get where I'm going on the first try if I go opposite my instincts. So if anyone expresses interest in your pimptastic bed, or anything else about you, don't deflect via a diagram but show them the bed already. Capitalize on their area of interest. Then again, perhaps I am the last person to give advice about this as my dry spell is infinitely longer than yours! Posted by: serif6 at October 15, 2004 12:31 PM Syndicate this site (XML)

Controversy Week: Sex

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