Look Sharp

I don't have any "outfits." I just have a bunch of clothes. And I don't have that many of them. I've got two basic problems here. Three, if you count the fact that I only own like three pairs of pants.

Problem one is that I dress the same no matter what's going on. At work, at play, going to a goth club, cleaning my room? I don't have a lot of options here, so it all ends up looking the same. And the reason that's a problem is that I'd like the option to dress up or dress down sometimes. I don't have any clothes that really feel like "casual, lounging around, comfortable clothes" because they're the same clothes I use for everything else. That's the fault of my work's nonexistent dress code, I think. If I can go to work in the same jeans and T-shirt I use for everything else, I tend to.

So what I'm getting at is that I need to buy more stuff. For those of you from foreign lands, I present you with this stark portrait of how we do things here in the United States: something bothers me a little, so I choose to throw money at it. Whee! Anyway, my idea is that I take my current default outfit and make it the generic "casual" outfit. Frankly, I think I've been spending too much time in black jeans and a black T-shirt.

So once I've scientifically determined the median, I can approach the problem of deciding on "work clothes" and "goin' out clothes". I've done a little online shopping for dressier clothes. I'm not going to buy them online (probably); I just wanted to get a look at things. The old term for that was "window shopping," but -- well, I guess I could call it "Windows(tm) shopping," but that wouldn't work if I were on a Mac. Anyway, I see that there are a lot of products on the market designed for large people. It's the "Big & Tall" market. In fact, at one place (which I tragically can't remember) they just called them "tall." Five feet tall with a 72" waistband? Oh, you're "tall." Man.

Anyway, I don't need that stuff, as I'm only a little tall and generally pretty lanky. In fact, part of my problem is that I have clothes that are cut for people much more full-figured than myself. So my clothes don't quite fit a lot of the time. My other problem is that I'm suspicious of clothes with too many buzzwords. Take these pants from JC Penney for example.

They start off with "proStyle" and "Innerflex" just in the name of the garment. Later on, we see "Stain Defender," "Wrinkle Defiance," "All Motion Comfort," and "ColorBond." By the time we're done, we've had two Trademark symbols and two Registered Trademarks. And going back to my previous point, I don't want a whole bunch of "relaxed fit with extra room in the seat and thigh" or a waistband which stretches for the "ideal fit and comfort". I do like the idea of "Wrinkle Defiance," though, because I want my garments to shake their fists at things. But my point is that I'd rather have clothes that fit me instead of paying extra for features designed for people not shaped like me.

Plus, I'm not sure how dressy I want to be. I tried wearing a suit to work for awhile, but people kept looking at me suspiciously. Frankly, I think even "business casual" is going to be pushing it. Especially if you go by the wacko recommendations of Men's Wearhouse, which claims with a straight face that "Business Casual" encompasses three-button suits. Of course, I realize that as a company that sells suits they're not totally unbiased. Still, I was surprised to learn that there are separate categories for "Business Wear" and "Job Interview." You need a special suit just for interviewing? Weird.

There's also the issue of what to wear when I want to look cool. Right now, I tend to just add a leather jacket to my regular clothes, but then what do I do when it gets warm? If I take the jacket off, I'm no longer dressed up! I might just stay with the numerous black T-shirts I own now. At least they're versatile.