July 23, 2003

Digressions

A brief explanation might be in order. Originally, this was a really long entry, with a lot of digressions. But on reflection, the digressions were really the only interesting part. So I've edited out the main article, leaving only the digressions. They may be a little choppy, but trust me, it's better than the old version.

This has nothing to do with anything, but how come that "celebrity nude scenes" video I keep seeing commercials for includes Kate Winslet in Titanic? I mean, yeah, she was nekkid, but surely anyone who wants to see that already owns the movie. It's not like she got famous in a big movie after having been nude in a small movie; there aren't people who saw her in Heavenly Creatures and then lost track of her. My point is that people who want to see Kate Winslet with no clothes already know where to look. And, since it was the biggest money-making movie ever, I'm guessing they've probably seen it already. Okay, anyway.

So! I think that's all clear. There used to be a couple of other things, but they're done now, and I think it might be confusing to mention them now. So now I'm going to talk about this great episode of Columbo I saw last week.

It was from the 1970s, and the first thing I noticed was that Columbo's boss in this episode was Walter Koenig. But that moment of "Hey! Star Trek guy in non-Trek role!" got washed out because the killer was played by William Shatner. And he was really good!

Shatner played a TV detective, and he ponced around in a white suit with an ascot. His character was almost as smart as Columbo, so he got to say things like "Why do you keep asking those innocuous little questions when we both know you're eventually going to have some shocking observation to make?" And the whole episode (which lasted about an hour and a half for some reason) was basically just Shatner and Falk doing their weird mannered acting at each other. It was the 1970s equivalent of what youd get if you took Monk (which is, as far as I can tell, just an excuse for Tony Shalhoub to be entertainingly weird) and added Special Guest Star Tim Curry. Who wouldn't watch that?

I was lucky to get to see this episode, because my Tivo is not in the habit of recording random detective shows. Well, it is, but I've been trying to cure it of that. I have a pretty big hard drive, but I can't cope with a million Law & Orderses. But I'd been recording Bravo's brilliant Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and when I turned on the television, I was about twenty minutes into Columbo. One of the side effects of Tivo is that when you turn on your television, you're never entirely sure what channel you'll be on or what will be showing. I like to give the random show a chance. Sometimes it's fun!

Hey, speaking of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I've come up with a crazy plan. I do that regularly, you know. Come up with crazy plans. And this one's really quite silly. See, the thing is, I'm going through a bit of a romantic dry spell. In that I haven't had a girlfriend since 1994. That's the sort of thing that can eventually wear one down. So I've decided that if nothing's happened by January 1, I'm going to spend a year being gay.

Let's face it, it's got to be worth a try. And if I'm not getting any action anyway, does it really matter who I'm not getting action from? It's kind of an extreme move, but it'll only be for a year. And desperate times call for desperate measures. And so on.

Re: Columbo - Oh now I would have given anything to see that one. I've been amusing myself in my unemployment with old Star Treks. Shatner's acting is really very weird, isn't it?

Re: Homosexuality - What the hell, Monty, go with it! I figure gayness sans action is going to require mostly checking out men and possibly acquiring a girl best friend. I'd like to think that, as a gay man, you'd be kind of like Ted, who's nice. I think being Carson might lead a man to sprain something.

Posted by: Schuyler at July 23, 2003 01:25 AM

Re: Shatner's acting style, my father always saw Star Trek VI as conclusive proof that Shatner is a better actor than Christopher Plummer, and that generally American-style acting is easier to watch than British-style acting (funny in that both Shatner and Plummer are Canadian, but I think you know what I'm talking about).

Of course, my dad, being an English prof, always had to point out that it's perfectly clear in the speech in Hamlet that "the undiscovered country" is death.

Posted by: mollym at July 23, 2003 01:30 PM

Start the gay year early. It worked great for me (as a female) when I tried it after a similar dry spell. I was swamped with men (some even my type!) who wanted to prove to me that I wasn't gay, I just hadn't met the right man. I got a three year relationship out of my experience. It turns out that a lot of people are willing to try and change you into being straight. Which, if you're already straight, works out great.

Posted by: Puda at July 24, 2003 09:12 AM

Weren't all Columbo episodes 90 minutes long?

With regard to the crazy plan, I've had similar thoughts, but I abandoned them when I realized that if I turned gay I would for all intents and purposes instantly become a virgin again. And while I've found I can live fairly comfortably without a girlfriend, I don't think I'm psychologically prepared to be a 35-year-old virgin.

Posted by: John at July 25, 2003 09:09 PM



	« Can't Sleep \| Main \| Hot. Too Hot. » July 23, 2003 Digressions A brief explanation might be in order. Originally, this was a really long entry, with a lot of digressions. But on reflection, the digressions were really the only interesting part. So I've edited out the main article, leaving only the digressions. They may be a little choppy, but trust me, it's better than the old version. This has nothing to do with anything, but how come that "celebrity nude scenes" video I keep seeing commercials for includes Kate Winslet in Titanic? I mean, yeah, she was nekkid, but surely anyone who wants to see that already owns the movie. It's not like she got famous in a big movie after having been nude in a small movie; there aren't people who saw her in Heavenly Creatures and then lost track of her. My point is that people who want to see Kate Winslet with no clothes already know where to look. And, since it was the biggest money-making movie ever, I'm guessing they've probably seen it already. Okay, anyway. So! I think that's all clear. There used to be a couple of other things, but they're done now, and I think it might be confusing to mention them now. So now I'm going to talk about this great episode of Columbo I saw last week. It was from the 1970s, and the first thing I noticed was that Columbo's boss in this episode was Walter Koenig. But that moment of "Hey! Star Trek guy in non-Trek role!" got washed out because the killer was played by William Shatner. And he was really good! Shatner played a TV detective, and he ponced around in a white suit with an ascot. His character was almost as smart as Columbo, so he got to say things like "Why do you keep asking those innocuous little questions when we both know you're eventually going to have some shocking observation to make?" And the whole episode (which lasted about an hour and a half for some reason) was basically just Shatner and Falk doing their weird mannered acting at each other. It was the 1970s equivalent of what youd get if you took Monk (which is, as far as I can tell, just an excuse for Tony Shalhoub to be entertainingly weird) and added Special Guest Star Tim Curry. Who wouldn't watch that? I was lucky to get to see this episode, because my Tivo is not in the habit of recording random detective shows. Well, it is, but I've been trying to cure it of that. I have a pretty big hard drive, but I can't cope with a million Law & Orderses. But I'd been recording Bravo's brilliant Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and when I turned on the television, I was about twenty minutes into Columbo. One of the side effects of Tivo is that when you turn on your television, you're never entirely sure what channel you'll be on or what will be showing. I like to give the random show a chance. Sometimes it's fun! Hey, speaking of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I've come up with a crazy plan. I do that regularly, you know. Come up with crazy plans. And this one's really quite silly. See, the thing is, I'm going through a bit of a romantic dry spell. In that I haven't had a girlfriend since 1994. That's the sort of thing that can eventually wear one down. So I've decided that if nothing's happened by January 1, I'm going to spend a year being gay. Let's face it, it's got to be worth a try. And if I'm not getting any action anyway, does it really matter who I'm not getting action from? It's kind of an extreme move, but it'll only be for a year. And desperate times call for desperate measures. And so on.
	« Can't Sleep \| Main \| Hot. Too Hot. »
	Comments Re: Columbo - Oh now I would have given anything to see that one. I've been amusing myself in my unemployment with old Star Treks. Shatner's acting is really very weird, isn't it? Re: Homosexuality - What the hell, Monty, go with it! I figure gayness sans action is going to require mostly checking out men and possibly acquiring a girl best friend. I'd like to think that, as a gay man, you'd be kind of like Ted, who's nice. I think being Carson might lead a man to sprain something. Posted by: Schuyler at July 23, 2003 01:25 AM Yeah, I've come to the conclusion that Shatner's acting style isn't not so much "bad" as it is "highly stylized". Posted by: Monty at July 23, 2003 10:02 AM Re: Shatner's acting style, my father always saw Star Trek VI as conclusive proof that Shatner is a better actor than Christopher Plummer, and that generally American-style acting is easier to watch than British-style acting (funny in that both Shatner and Plummer are Canadian, but I think you know what I'm talking about). Of course, my dad, being an English prof, always had to point out that it's perfectly clear in the speech in Hamlet that "the undiscovered country" is death. Posted by: mollym at July 23, 2003 01:30 PM Start the gay year early. It worked great for me (as a female) when I tried it after a similar dry spell. I was swamped with men (some even my type!) who wanted to prove to me that I wasn't gay, I just hadn't met the right man. I got a three year relationship out of my experience. It turns out that a lot of people are willing to try and change you into being straight. Which, if you're already straight, works out great. Posted by: Puda at July 24, 2003 09:12 AM Weren't all Columbo episodes 90 minutes long? With regard to the crazy plan, I've had similar thoughts, but I abandoned them when I realized that if I turned gay I would for all intents and purposes instantly become a virgin again. And while I've found I can live fairly comfortably without a girlfriend, I don't think I'm psychologically prepared to be a 35-year-old virgin. Posted by: John at July 25, 2003 09:09 PM Syndicate this site (XML)

Digressions

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