Pyrates

I was going to save this for a few days, but I'm all geeked up over something I just bought, so I'm going to enthuse over it now, even though I don't actually have it in my hands yet.

First, the background. George MacDonald Fraser's book The Pyrates is really, really good. If you like swashbuckling fiction, historical fiction, or funny fiction, you owe it to yourself to hunt it down and read it. It's hilarious. And I'm not just saying that because of my swashbuckling jones; it's seriously well-written and funny. Extremely funny.

It helps a bit if you know pirate movies and books, since Fraser makes a point of hitting absolutely every required element, including several complicated execution methods. Like the dreaded maguay plant, which has a sharp point on top and grows so quickly that you can tie someone above it and watch as the maguay slices their belly open. Yarr!

It's also got lots of swordplay and guys named Firebeard yelling things like "By the powers! Let's sack, plunder, an' burn Tortuga wi' a curse! 'Tis rich wi' booty an there's females a-plenty for lovin' sport an hearty ravishment, sink me if there b'ain't!" And then, when Firebeard gets reminded that Tortuga is, in fact, his own headquarters, he scowls and mutters that nobody told him anything.

It's great, is what I'm telling you. I bought my copy in 1985, and by this point, the front cover (and the first two pages) have come detached, as has the back cover (and the last page). I've still got all the bits, but they're not actually affixed to the book anymore. I'd tape them on, but I happen to think that occasionally a book looks nice in the shelves if the cover is just slid in next to it. I mean, having a "mint copy" is all very nice, but I used to have a copy of the Illuminatus trilogy, and it was held together with five different kinds of tape. It looked great, and there was no doubt that here was a book that had been read.

So I've loved Pyrates for a long time. That's an important plot point. Keep it in mind as we move on to the exciting part.

I was looking up Pyrates on Amazon a couple of days ago so I could make a link to it in my epic discussion of Cutthroat Island, and I saw something cool down in the ZShops section.

Uncorrected proofs. Of Pyrates. That's what they send to the author just before publication so the author can make sure everything is correct. It's pre-first edition stuff. This is, in fact, a one-of-a-kind collectible. It was shipped to me on Tuesday, so I should be receiving it any day now.

Naturally, I can't wait. At all. On my way up the stairs to my apartment, I crane my neck to see if there's a "UPS was here!" sticker on my door, because if it's there, I can save five seconds by immediately going downstairs to the manager's office.

The first thing I'm going to do when I get it is probably act all giddy. And then I'll be glad I live alone so people can't see me acting like a fool. And then I'll e-mail various friends who also like Pyrates so they can envy me and my coolness. Eventually, I'll settle down. And then I'll have to take out my old tattered copy and the proofs and go through the book line by line, finding every single difference and probably obsessing over why the change was made and inventing elaborate reasons for everything.

I am so looking forward to it.