Monty's Epic Car Adventure

It was only four days ago that my car died, so it may be a bit early to label this an epic adventure. But just you try to stop me.

Yesterday, after I failed to start my Peugeot, I decided that it was time to get another $500 car, since I'm positive that the various problems currently assailing my car would cost more than that to fix. So I got back to the office, checked the conference where people sell things like cread machines or terrible old games, and behold! Someone's selling a $400 car!

It was a 1985 Audi 5000S Turbo, which was the top-of-the-line Audi at the time. That's the highest number you can get after the word "Audi"! And my philosophy is basically that if a car is running, it's worth $500. So I arranged with the seller to bring it in on Tuesday so I could poke at it.

It had a few interesting problems, like the key being broke off in the ignition. Not all of it, you understand: you still need the quarter-inch of key that's still on the ring. Weird. Anyway, the car had some trouble starting, but it eventually got going, and ran okay, so I handed over the money.

Then someone at work wanted to go to the mall, and I offered to drive. Because I was all giddy with having a replacement car so quickly. My problem had been solved instantly!

Naturally, when we tried to leave the mall, the car wouldn't start. And not the way it wouldn't start before, either; this time, the battery was clearly dead. And we couldn't even find the battery, which eventually turned out to be hidden underneath the back seat. Those wacky Germans.

Somehow, I managed to mostly maintain my composure in the face of having two coworkers who I'd essentially stranded at the mall. At the other end of the parking lot was an auto repair place, so I headed down there and gave them some money to come replace the battery. And then the car started!

And then, as soon as the repair guy was out of sight, it died again! And wouldn't start. Grrr. I was, naturally, filled with hate. Filled right up to the top. We met my boss for lunch, and eventually got back to the office, where the guy that sold me the car was pretty stand-up about the whole thing and gave me my money back. But now I was back in the no-car-having situation, and having two cars collapse under you in the space of four days, well, that's a trying situation. It is.

But now the cool thing happens. Another of my coworkers has an extra car. An extra car? Yup. She's planning on giving it to a friend next week, but I get to borrow it until then. And it seems like there's at least a small chance I might end up with it. It's not perfect, but it runs, which puts it at the top of the "List of Cars Monty Has Tried to Drive Home From Work in the Last Week".

So my struggles aren't over. But it looks like I get to drive a car for a week, and then I'm on a business trip to Minneapolis (this "business trip" will involve a lot of goofing off and probably going to the Mall of America) past my next paycheck. I have faith that I'll eventually be a real driver again.

Frankly, I think I made a mistake when I decided to concentrate on my car situation. My thinking was that I could use it as a distraction from the Big Issue. I mean, this is a problem that I could concentrate on and have a chance to solve, letting me pretend that problems can be fixed. But this ain't helping.