Minneapolis, Part One

So this is Minneapolis.

It really is. You don't believe me? Look out my hotel window. See that? That's Minneapolis, pal. That is 100% Minneapolis. The only way that could be any more Minneapolis is . . . actually, you know what? There is no way that could be more Minneapolis. What I'm trying to say is that I'm in Minneapolis.

This is what happens when I write these things while watching Sports Night. My hotel room has Comedy Central!

Okay, but you're probably not that interested in my hotel room. I can't really fault you for that; I'm in my hotel room and I don't care that much about it. But how about my day rampaging through the Twin Cities?

There wasn't much rampaging, as it turned out. Laurel came by and kindly acted as driver and tour guide as we set off for our first destination: The Mall of America (cue Death Star music). That's a big mall, all right. Definitely a big mall.

We spent several hours there, and I successfully avoided buying anything. In fact, by taking a survey at the Apple Computers Store, I came out with twenty dollars more than I had when I went in. Well, we had lunch at the Rainforest Cafe (right by the unconvincing animatronic gorillas), but that doesn't count as shopping, does it? I mean, I didn't come out with "stuff".

I did see many things that I wish I owned. At the Discovery Channel store, there were cool miniature mountains that generate their own mist. And at the stupid party store, there were small fog machines, which I want to have in my cubicle at work. I also want a disco ball, colored streamers, and a strobe light. I want to be able to turn my cube (which, btw, I've named "The Fortress of Disciplined Enlightenment") into Party Central at the touch of a button. You think I'm kidding.

I also got to see the Snoopy theme park at the center of the mall. They had some good old-timey sideshow booths, like "Guess Your Weight", but they weren't actually open. I looked at the Cereal Adventure thing, but it would have cost twelve dollars to get inside and then make my own cereal box, so the heck with it.

There was also a lot of walking and various stores. I ogled gadgets, but I didn't decide I needed to own any of them. After the Mall, we went to Dreamhaven Books, famous in song and story.

After getting through Dreamhaven with only three purchases (which, believe me, required great self-control), Laurel and I watched some television. Normally, I filter my tv comments through TeeVee, but since Enterprise is already being covered, I'll make my thoughts known here. The real genius of the jelly-rubbing scene wasn't the blatant T&A; it was the fact that they were doing expository dialogue at the same time.

It's always hard to squeeze in exposition, especially on Star Trek, where you have to say things like "You know perfectly well that Vulcan females have an acute sense of smell!" So the producers wisely decided to load up on plot while distracting the viewer. Admittedly, this has the slight drawback that the audience won't remember the background, but that's okay too. This way, if things don't work out the way they hope, they can change everything without anyone noticing. All they'll have to do is have the characters "learn the truth" while wrestling in hot oil.