Bumper Stickers

My new car doesn't have any bumper stickers yet. The first bumper sticker always comes with a lot of pressure attached, so I don't want to put just anything out there. I realize I'm overthinking this, and that it's not something important, like a tattoo, but it's a new car, and I want to do things right. My last car had three bumper stickers (one for a band and two for the TV show Daria), but I'm not sure if I should try to make my new car just a clone of the old one.

Another thing I certainly don't want to do is overdo it. I've always felt strongly that having three or more bumper stickers on the same theme is a clear sign of fanatacism. I don't mind someone having a single sticker informing me that "Magick Happens". If they want to add "Blessed Be", hey, be my guest. But when you add "Wiccan Inside", you have, in my opinion, crossed the line. It doesn't matter how big the stickers are; if you devote three separate stickers to the same message, I think you're a fanatic.

Of course, a lot of the people I'm calling "fanatic" would probably accept that. If you have four bumper stickers all insulting Bill Clinton, it's probably not news to you that you're going overboard. Incidentally, how come I still see "Impeach Clinton" stickers? First of all, he hasn't been President for almost a year. And second, we did impeach him already! It seems like that would have been a good time to replace those stickers with "Impeach Clinton and Then Remove Clinton From Office", but it's too late for that now, isn't it?

Sometimes people have clearly gone sticker-happy, because they value political statement over being able to see their back window. If glittery stickers saying "Brat" counts as a political statement. When I'm stuck behind one of these people, I spend a lot of time categorizing stickers. "Let's see, there's two gun-control stickers, one honor student, two American flags, and aha! Three freemason stickers! Not only is this guy a fanatic, it might be a good idea not to make eye contact."

I'm never sure how to categorize cars that have conflicting stickers. Like, if there are four "I Don't Brake for Protesters" and two "WTO NO" stickers, are they fanatics or what? I figure that sort of thing is probably the result of an unhappy household that has at least one fanatic in it.

So one of the reasons I don't have any bumper stickers myself is that if people are going to arbitratily categorize me on the basis of my bumper stickers, I want to be absolutely sure what zany misconception I'm leading them into.